Pokémon Platinum Diary: Week 4
Dear Sirs,
I hope this extract reaches you in good – oh for goodness’ sake paperclip, not now – health and that your families are doing well. I must apologise for my absence of late, you see I have been lost in the wilderness of Sinnoh. My quest to complete the Pokédex is nearing the quarter mark. I have seen one hundred and twenty two Pokémon and captured around sixty of that.
The journey has been both eventful and educational. I have learned a lot about the wide natures of Pokémon and how some types are better than others in combat. I have also learned that there are a huge variety of factors that are important to the evolution of Pokémon. In order to complete the Pokédex, one must level up Pokémon so that they take on their next evolutionary form. Sometimes this is as simple as reaching a set level. Sometimes it is not.
You see, the world of Pokémon is now so diverse, so alive, that there are huge number of factors in play at all times. Day and night cycles. The day of the week. Whether or not the Pokémon has been given a certain item. Whether or not the Pokémon has been traded. Whether or not the Pokémon has been traded whilst holding a certain item. Whether or not the Pokémon is happy.
Yes, gentlemen, this is a huge factor in the game – the happiness of your Pokémon. You can only make the creatures happy if you use them in combat, feed them well, get them massages and even bake them special muffins (‘Poffins’) to keep them sweet. Only then will they evolve for you.
This leads me on to a darker thought: why should these wild creatures be happy at their existence in tiny fist-sized balls, only getting released to be battled to the death with another creature? Why would they enjoy being captured? Why do the smaller, un-evolved creatures smile more? What do they know? Why do the older, evolved creatures look at me with such hatred?
Gentlemen, I shall write again soon. Wish me luck on my quest.
PS, please inform mother that Jennifer may come by with a child. I swear it was nothing to do with me.
The Online Portfolio of Adam Mason 
Pokemon is fucking gay as a pink tent in a fucking carnvial. In Quebec. During Gay Pride week. With a lot of naked men gyrating around a massive statue of an erect cock that’s cumming over a mans face. Sprayed in pink nail varnish so it’s pink. With fucking candyfloss on the floor. And cheerleaders, except they’re men dressed as cheerleaders.
And these massive speakers are playing ABBA very loudly. And every time you collect another Pokemon you have a load of guys go down on other guys. And wave little rainbow flags. With cock-shaped plastic flag-handles.
Although obviously there’s nothing actually wrong with being gay, that’s a lifestyle choice and a perfectly reasonable one at that.
But Japanese gay shit ass fucked-up faggotry is really lame. You fucking queer.
Its jokes like that that nearly got me fired.
Your workplace must be stressful if you need to vent like that, Alex.
Imagine looking at people of 45-60 all rotund, dark eye bags, ugly wives who write down when you got to lunch and when you get back so that you dont get away with an extra 5 minutes; who complain when you eat breakfast at your desk, who never explain if you’ve done something wrong or give you any feedback but complain about you to anyone they feel like including your manager when you are out of the room.
They’re okay i suppose i just need to assert myself more. Too polite.
I got accused of “mincing” when i was carrying a desk for the office manager as well. Mincing.
Its not too bad though. I played football today. And I have mates i eat lunch with.
That sounds… kinda lame. At least you can eat lunch though.