Posts Tagged ‘Real Life’

418 – Brave New World

Eighteen episodes have led to this point, the climax, the crutch, the single hour where Heroes must fight for survival and remind its viewers why they bothered watching it up all until this moment.

And it’s… about as disappointing and unsatisfying as the rest of this horrible story arc has been. Claire and Bennett manage to escape from their impossible situation (entombed in a caravan some thirty feet under the ground in the middle of nowhere) because Lauren called Tracey. The water woman helps them escape somehow and then vanishes from both the story and our minds, proving once and for all there was no reason to ever bring her back to life.

Hiro, at least, manages some closure to his pathetic story, somehow coming across an aged Charlie at the hospital after his brain tumour operation. Seeing that she’s had a wonderful life and has raised a whole family, Hiro decides to do the decent thing and leave her there to die. Charming.

Peter and Sylar escape from Parkman’s basement, only to find that Multiple Man Eli has taken control of the house. What could have been an interesting fight is then cut short by both a scene change and a cop-out. Parkman then invades Sylar’s head and makes him want to be good (only the third time Sylar’s wanted to switch sides, mind) and the mass murderer and Peter head off to the carnival. Parkman then invades Eli’s unconscious mind and then disappears from the story altogether.

But that’s not what the episode is about, no. This episode is where we finally discover what it is that Samuel has been up to and what his real intentions are. Well, we can finally reveal them to you, once and for all:

He’s going to kill people.

Eighteen episodes and that’s the best the writers can come up with. The carnival appears in Central Park in New York, where Doyle forces Emma to play her siren song and draw as many people and television cameras to them as possible. Bennett, Claire, Edgar, Peter, Sylar, Hiro and Ando all converge on the carnival to end mean old Samuel’s rotten schemes and, hilariously, the situation is defused with a conversation.

Six superheroes are up against an army of carnies and they solve all their problems with conversation. Yeah. Underwhelming doesn’t quite get it right. Punch in the balls is a more accurate way of describing it.

Hiro teleports all the superheroes away and Samuel is left powerless, making the viewers wonder why his brother Joseph ever surrounded him with Specials to begin with. Samuel is arrested and that’s that done.

The ending is so flat and boring it feels like it was done deliberately to enrage all those who wasted their time watching this pile of crap fester. Even the lead in to the next Volume is awful, managing to completely destroy the original idea behind the show.

The best thing to do is to put all this behind us and move along. Let’s choose to remember the greatness of Heroes. Before everything went wrong, before turgid romances and silly plot strands and unnecessary characters, back when it was great. Let’s remember it as a classic show that never got a second chance to prove what it could really do.

Goodbye, Heroes.

1 star


The old boy’s unemployment has seen him completing a hell of a lot of games. It’s good for something, I guess.


What’s Up?

Posted: December 12, 2009 in Musings
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I just thought I’d take up a blog post to tell you what’s going on. The daily reviewing has been a pretty good success – on a hits level as well as a personal one – and I hope you’ve enjoyed it as much as I have. As you can probably tell from that self-congratulatory sentence, it’s not going to last. It will finish early next week and then we’ll be back to some kind of normal schedule.

I’m going to try and keep up with writing reviews and ideally I’d like to post more than just three times a week. I’ve got the comics on Wednesday (shit, I need to do some more of those, I totally forgot this week!) and the unfolding horror story on Sundays (although what the hell that is or where it’s going is anybody’s guess).

With Heroes finishing for the year [Thank God – Adam’s soul] and very few big movies on the horizon, I’m going to start looking for other TV shows to review. Maybe Flashforward or Stargate Universe, although I really do need to finish Atlantis before I get on with that.

I also want to mention (and whore myself out completely) that I’m now writing for on the side. I’ve posted up a few things there that have appeared here previously – the Harry Brown review, the first game rant – but now there are a few others I wanted to mention to anyone interested. Firstly, two reviews of games that won’t be appearing here (Need for Speed: Nitro and Hasbro’s Family Game Night) and the other game rants are all going in the blogs on that site. So if you’re wondering why I’m not doing game rants anymore, it’s because they’re going up somewhere else.

Also, the New Moon review went down very well. I’ll admit I was a little disappointed at the reception here, but over on Movie-Moron it’s the most popular thing I’ve yet written, and some of the responses are so funny they absolutely need to be printed out and framed.

Anyway, that’s all from me right now. Stay classy, San Diego.

We moved… then disaster struck.


And so the story of Thomas, friend, foe, fiend and all-round greedy fat ginger cat, comes to its close.


Alex’s Week

Posted: November 21, 2009 in Musings
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Alex’s Week

Groping through the complexities of Risk Management like a blind man looking for a penny, this week I was struck by my own self indulgent introverted bullnoogies squarely in the metaphysical balls.

Gaaaah! I exclaimed in a packed open access centre, to which I had relocated from my dedicated classroom while it was stripped of asbestos, startling the loathsome mouth breather to my immediate left.

What in hell am I doing with my life?! I screamed to the heavens, in my mind, I am not that far gone yet, I hastily add. My perfectionist tendencies had gotten the better of me after my father died, my desire to grow beyond the dross of my early acquaintance, into a winner, a success, a bloody legend, had closed me off to the necessary and acute immediacy with which all life MUST be lived if it is to be lived with success and pleasure. My damnable but glorious discipline kept me from complaining as I poured my life into my work and kept every hour of the day available for mental pursuits! No More! I say thee NAY! NAY!

As this metaphysical thunderbolt hit I declared – I will go forward from this place with courage for there is only one life to live and I will dedicate mine to MY OWN enjoyment not to nebulous concepts of duty which have held me back my whole life!

I will harness honour and discipline and industry to my own purposes and I will strike out on my own, for my benefit!

Success? I AM SUCCESS!

-Alex Sullivan-Wilson

GUMO #124 - The Rat Race Claims Another

We’ve moved in now. Still lacking a working shower. Experimenting with making things digitally, so I was in two minds about whether or not I should post this. In the interest of showing progress, I did. I’m intending to update every day until things are caught up.


Hold it… Little More…

Posted: October 14, 2009 in Musings
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GUMO is going to be put on hold for at least two weeks. We’re moving house and all the stuff is getting packed away. We’ll return as soon as we, a) unpack, and b) have internet.

And, c) draw something.

GUMO #123 - Supervisors

Thank you, Alex. It’s been a good run remembering all the strange times trapped in the world of computers. Next week: something different.


GUMO #122 - Working With Those 'Abuv You'

One more from Alex. I suppose I should start thinking of something to draw for after that.